Tag Archives: Daily blog

Lady of Rage

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Lady of Rage

So today I found out I have an obsessive personality.  Here I go diagnosing myself again.  Why you may ask?  Let me tell you.

When I like something I really like it! Like a lot. 

In sixth grade I REALLY liked this guy.  He had a favorite rap song.  To impress him I learned all the lyrics to the song and rapped it to him on the phone. 

Where was my mother?

Lol!

I’m pretty sure he just took pity on me because our “relationship” lasted a matter of minutes.

But guess what I don’t have to like something to obsess over it.  When I was diagnosed with endometriosis I came home and read for hours.  I found out cutting gluten would increase my chances of both reducing pain and getting pregnant.  I threw away literally EVERYTHING in my pantry.  Everything that had any spec of gluten. 

Is this NORMAL?  I mean I guess people get excited about things right?  And who wouldn’t want to increase your chances of getting pregnant after years of trying.  And let’s not even talk about 12 year olds and what goes on in their minds.

But the issue is after I obsess I jet.  Quick, hard, and often with a bang. 

I told that guy he was an idiot, hung up the phone, and never talked to him again.  I saw him a few years ago and totally had to avoid eye contact. 

After not eating gluten for a month, I took a pregnancy test.  It was negative.  I went to In N Out.

Ok so that’s totally normal right?! Right!

WHO knows…..

Maybe it is or isn’t.  I just don’t give a crap anymore.  Life is imperfectly perfect.

Things don’t always go as planned.

Stop giving yourself a hard time and eat some animal style fries.

Ok maybe not every time you are sad, but you get it.  Overall, we are terribly hard on ourselves.  These past few weeks I’ve made a lot of mistakes; professionally, personally, and in parenting.  Some have hurt.  Bad.

But guess what some felt really good. 

Take a risk!

Rap!

Live.

Always with love,

Modo

Don’t sing happy birthday to me

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Don’t sing happy birthday to me

While in a store I saw a pretty awesome device.

I said “Gosh I need to find someone to buy that for as a gift”. Someone I met just that day looked at me and said “You! You are that person; get it for yourself.” It was a quick moment. We laughed. I left.

After a rough night, for reasons unimportant to this post, I came back to that statement. “Get it for yourself.”

Learning to treat myself JUST as good as I do family, friends, and even strangers is really hard for me. I know cliche, right? But, seriously I mean it.

At a young age I starting asking people to stop singing happy birthday to me because it made me feel uncomfortable. We would sit at restaurants on that special day and I would cringe when I saw the birthday gang rush to a patron with a cupcake, candle, and crazy jack o lantern tempo music to wish them another blissful year.

One year I planned a surprise weekend trip to NYC for my husbands’ birthday. Packed his bags, met him at work with plane tickets, and saw the sites of NYC. That same year I refused to go to the hair salon because it cost too much.

I’ve bought my daughter three dresses for her first birthday. Last week I gauged a hole into my belt because it had gotten too big.

Guilt settles in when I do something for just myself. But I think it’s deeper than that. I get a KICK out of saving, cutting out something, repurposing myself with little to nothing. And, to be even more honest selfishness makes me furious.

But is it selfishness I hate or confidence I lack to just love myself wholeheartedly? Not a question I’m ready to answer. Don’t have to. Realizing more and more it’s ok not to rush to answer every question asked. Sometimes…often we should just reflect. Stop. Sit still. Let the answer come to us rather than chasing it down like it stole your ice cream cone.

But why do we run? What are we really chasing? What is on that cone?

Always with love,

Modo

Minute with Modo (#16): Parenting multiple kids

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What I’ve learned this week from having two kids under the age of 3:

1. You will say these words A LOT: wait, sit down, No, I love you, and fine you can have it.

2 You lie often…usually about what an item is that you are putting in your mouth or about the amount of toys carried in a store.

3. You LOVE going to the restroom; except when you have company.

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4. It makes a BIG difference when the house is messy when you wake up.

5. You will use the TV as a tool.

6. You will smile a lot more.

7. You will meet people easier.

8. You will become a lot more organized or disorganized; your choice.

9. You will lie a lot! Just wanted to re-emphasize that.

10. You will know if you are ready for another kid; I’m not…at least not right now and I am really ok with that.

11. Your kids thrive with another child in the house; this makes me a little sad I am not ready for another child.

Overall there are SO MANY JOYS and some headaches with parenting multiple children. All in all be prepared and have FUN because things often will not go your way but then you realize that you were CHOSEN to lead this little person in life and gratefulness sets in.

Always with love,

Modo

Minute with Modo (#15): Time flies

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Time Flies

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Today at dinner, while our daughter slept (parents of small children know that deserves a whoop whoop); my husband and I talked about how fast life is moving now that we have a child. After some discussion we realized time wasn’t moving faster…not at all…our time just has more meaning now. I won’t go into how much meaning our lives had before her (it did), but will just sit in the fact that our lives have even more now.

For that I am grateful.

Always with love,

Modo

Minute with Modo (#13): Do You

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Minute with Modo (#13): Do You

Do You

You want to know when my husband and I fight? When one of us is trying to control the other in some way.

Usually.

Sure we have those typical couple fights: money, waking the baby, what do you want for dinner (why is that always such a hard question).

But when I get down to it most of our fights are about some element of control. But the big question is why?! Why are we trying to control one another and for what purpose?!

Some of the reasons I thought of were: for safety (“babe get off that ladder it’s broken”); for companionship (“I don’t want you to go out tonight”); but the one that made the most sense was for self improvement.

Wait, Modo how do you control someone to improve yourself?!

You can’t! But this is how you fool yourself into thinking you can. Peep the scenario below:

My hubby and I started this meal plan. I bought all the food. Prepped. And printed out the list. The first day while he was at work I cheated. Yep before lunch I at chocolate. The next day he was going to cheat and I went IN on him. Then I realized I wasn’t going off on him I was really going off on myself. I didn’t want to do that damn meal plan in the beginning. Who was I kidding?

I needed to improve my eating habits, so I decided to control my husbands. Sound insane?! It IS!!!!! Lol

I told y’all to pray for me.

Ultimately we have to do US! Focus on you. Make YOU a better YOU! When we both focus more on bettering ourselves and just loving the other person we have the best days. Those are the days we kiss the most, laugh the hardest, and fall in love again.

Anyone else have crazy stories like this? Anyone feel my pain?!

Always with love,

Modo