“Happy is he that is happy in his children” -Thomas Fuller
Baby Notes: Well it finally happened! I had my first Mommy breakdown. At our 38 week checkup my cervix was closed and high. I had high hopes that at our 39 week checkup it would be a dramatic difference since I did almost everything in my power to make this baby come into the world (this is me being dramatic as I really didn’t do much but walk a bit). At my 39 week checkup my doctor said I was still closed and high. I remained stoic throughout the rest of the appointment and shed a few tears of disappointment when I got in the car, but it wasn’t until I heard my mother’s voice on the line when I really just broke down. I cried like my heart just had been broken for the first time. I sobbed. Uncontrollably. After I was able to finally take a breath we talked about my expectations and how I had to release them in order to continue to enjoy the remainder of my pregnancy. This may be the first moment in my life in which I have absolutely no control over when something will occur and a part of me is terrified about that. Control makes me feel secure. Labor is so unpredictable that I have come to accept that I am more afraid of the unknown rather than the pain at this point. However, there is always a silver lining. Genesis will be the beginning of so many unpredictable moments and this labor is preparing me for that journey ahead. I pray that I start to find peace in releasing control and recognizing the freedom and joy in the journey. This little girl has taught me more in these past ten months than I have learned in almost 30 years.
Week 39 Updates:
Appointments: I am totally nervous because my doctor goes on vacation at the end of next week!!! I do NOT want to have the baby without her. We have established quite a good relationship and she is completely on board with all my wishes. I fear that I will get placed with a doctor that will challenge my natural birth choices, so I have over planned with making tons of copies of my birth plan to hang in my room and gotten copies of all my labs to assist with releasing my placenta.
Maternity Clothes: I hope Genesis comes soon because my maternity clothes are starting to rise up a bit too much! I was in the store the other day and saw a man stare at me. I am use to this as I have a bowling ball hanging from my stomach. But this guy was looking hard. I finally realized my bare belly was hanging out of my shirt! EMBARRASSING!!!!
Contractions: I have been having contractions late at night for a few hours, but they tend to be inconsistent and stop around 3am.
Due date: I have started to come to realize that she may just come past her due date…something I was not prepared to accept, but hey it gives me one more day of Drop Dead Diva!
Today the baby is the size of: watermelon
Cravings: Jamba Juice
Next Appointment: Sept 12th
Mochi Update: No Update
Mommy feels: HEAVY! I can totally feel that baby girl is growing this week and I literally have to walk around with my hands under my belly to help with the pain from the extra weight.
Coming next week: 40 week post…or a Welcome New Baby Post (crossing our fingers).
Thank you for joining us on this wonderful journey!
Always with love,